Burn Out

I’m still a little shocked, even though it’s been about two hours since I’ve had that diagnosis. I do suffer from a burn-out syndrome.

I had expected it halfway, considering the way I felt the past weeks and months. But expecting it and hearing it are two different ways.

I went to the doctor this morning merely because that would have been the first step in order to see a psychologist. Even after four weeks of recuperation (see almost all April posts about that), I didn’t really feel better. Last week I went to work again, but I barely got through it. I did my seven hours every day (plus a couple of minutes), but hardly really was thinking about what I did. So I decided I needed help with the stress in my life - that’s why I wanted to see a psychologist.

But after I’d told my doctor about the symptoms (tiring fast, sleeping bad, no real motivation for anything, easy riled up and then either seething or crying), he diagnosed a slight depression and a burn-out. Therefore I’m staying home this week and next - and then a bit longer, possibly. I’ve also been described a few pills and I will be seeing a psychologist as soon as possible.

My boss doesn’t much like it, but that’s his problem. I only pity my colleague, who’s not all that well himself and has to do all the overtime now. We’re all sick at the office, each of us has his or her own stress to deal with. And our boss is afraid of calling for help, even though it’ll be the only logical step. Still, no thoughts about the job, now. That’s what probably made me sick.

Although... I’ve been looking back over the years today and I’ve realized the last time I really could enjoy life and not think of anything else has been at least ten years ago, while I was still in the middle of my stay at university. There was stress, too, but there wasn’t all that much of it. From the time I tried to make a living as a freelancing editor until right now I’ve always been running after a goal I could hardly get close to. I was always stressed, always trying to do more than my best at work. (Probably to over-compensate for the fact that I’m not exactly the good-looking picture of a female employee - I don’t have a problem with that as a such, but somehow years of TV shows and movies have ingrained it that you need to be pretty when working at an office.) I rarely took long vacations, either, mostly due to not having all that many days. And while I was not employed, I was desperately looking for new jobs, because otherwise I might have ended up in what is called “Hartz IV” in Germany.

Something has to change now and I need help with that. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I’m sure it’ll be interesting. And it will change my life.

Weekend Update

Well, here I am, late on Saturday and writing a weekend update.

• Movie to watch: just back from the latest “Star Trek” movie
• Books to read: encyclopaedias to DC and Marvel characters
• Game to play: “Wandering Willows” - a casual game

Apart from that I’m resting, writing and still enjoying the afterglow of having been to a great movie. “Star Trek 11” exceeded my expectations - a lot.

Wolverine

Technically speaking, I don’t need a real reason to justify my trip to the movies today. (Well, I write ‘today,’ but by the time you read this, it’ll be ‘yesterday,’ actually.) I was watching “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” and I liked it.

I could justify why it had to be “Wolverine.” I could mention the action sequences – which were great – or the special effects – which were also great – or the story – which was good, too, although a little foreseeable every now and then. But, being a woman, I basically could stop at two words: Hugh Jackman. And I like him a lot as Wolverine.

I’m not a specialist on “X-Men” (basically the ‘I’ve just seen the movies and maybe read one or two comics’ person), but the movie cleared up a few things for me. It tells about Wolverine’s past (starting at the point when he uses his powers for the first time) and shows how he became that ‘I’ve got a skeleton made from the hardest metal known to mankind’ guy. I have to admit I did not know he’s been born somewhat around 1835 or so (‘cause the movie starts in 1845 and I’d say he was about ten at that time – and I mean 1845, not 1945). It also presents Striker for the first time (you know, that military guy from the second movie who wants all mutants eradicated or at least imprisoned) and explains their connection. We get a glimpse of Cyclops before he becomes Cyclops and we see Professor Xavier actually walking. In addition, the end of the movie explains why Wolverine/Logan can’t remember his past in the first “X-Men” movie. And we learn why he chose to be known as Wolverine in the first place.

So, was the movie worth the ticket price? Definitely. I enjoyed it, although I’m not that much of an action fan, mostly. But the fights and action sequences in the movie are done quite well, the characters are believable in their actions (and I like Gambit’s fighting style, that guy knows how to use a cane to make an impression). I did not miss the stars the movie was supposed to be missing for some critics. But then, I don’t go and see a movie just because someone’s in it (except perhaps Hugh Jackman or Johnny Depp…).

There’s also quite a bit of story behind it. Some parts are quite foreseeable. Other parts are not. The story heavily relies on the dynamics between Logan and his brother, both as a team and as adversaries. It also relies on the fact that Logan is far older than he looks and thus has seen far more of life than an average person (and doesn’t like flying…).

And the action? Well, the movie displayed some quite novel ways to use those claws Wolverine is famous for. There’s explosions, there’s fights, there’s big buildings being destroyed. But the movie does not rely on them. That’s something I still find quite remarkable about the movie (it was remarkable about “The Dark Knight,” too). It’s a good sign if a story is good enough to make you remember the quieter moments instead of the loud and blazing action.

If you like action, fights and a good story – or Hugh Jackman (or all of the above) –, the movie is definitely something you should consider. It’s not very ‘comic’ – there’s no superheroes in strange costumes. It’s definitely not a normal story, either – not with people surviving falls from great highs or unsheathing claws from the backs of their hands. But it’s not something you need a whole canon of comic knowledge for. Just get in, sit down and enjoy. (If you’re a woman, get in, sit down and enjoy a completely wet and naked Hugh Jackman escaping a high security military instalment and jumping down a deep waterfall…)

Weekend Update

Yes, even though I didn’t write one post this week (I wrote a lot, as it were, but no posts), I have found the time to write this weekend update.

• DVDs to watch: “Lost Boys: The Tribe”, “St. Trinian’s” and “L’Auberge Rouge” (a French movie)
• Books to read: “Senk ju vor träwelling” part 2 and a book about mind reading
• Game to play: no real plan, probably “The Sims 2” or “Overlord” or some casual game

And, in addition, I will work on my story (nearing, as it were, page 100) and spent another week writing and relaxing.

Weekend Update

Surprise, surprise, there we are again with a weekend update! I’m getting my life back under control - or so it seems - and that means, getting this blog back on course again, too.

So, what am I going to do this weekend?

• DVD to watch: second season of “Psych”
• book to read: no real plan, but I’m browsing through “Telling lies for fun & profit” again
• game to play: “Overlord”, if I get to it ... I love being the bad guy

Mainly I’ll be writing, though. I’m on to a story and it’s good.